Hedgebrook — And the Fear of Rejection
I did it. I actually completed the application for the Writer in Residency program at Hedgebrook and submitted it. I answered all the questions; I wrote an artist statement, and I even polished up two pieces and submitted them as writing samples.
Oh, and I summoned the courage and asked two writers I admire and adore if they’d be my references. And they both said yes! (OK, I get that they only have to do something if I make it past the first round of reviews — and this is a very competitive process — at which point the Hedgebrook goddesses might call the references, so they probably know they’ll not have much heavy lifting here, but still, they said yes. I’m happy reveling in that for the moment.)
And here’s the best part: I even hit submit some 28 hours before the deadline. (Midnight, exactly, west coast time tomorrow night, in case you’re wondering.)
Writing is hard, and rejection is even harder. And yet, it’s what I choose to do.
I have stories that have to be told. We all do. Stories of life and love and fear and rejection and just getting up and getting on with it every day even when it’s hard. Especially when it’s hard.
So now I wait. And I picture myself in one of the cabins in the woods of Whidbey Island, fingers flying over the keyboard, making that clackity clack clack sound they make when the fingers can’t fly faster than the thoughts unfolding in my head.
December will come, and in the midst of the holiday madness, there’ll be an email show up silently one day, waiting for me to open it.
Maybe the goddesses will smile on me and I’ll dance on the beach in sheer jubilation (followed immediately by the fear of the writing and rewriting and rewriting that will surely follow.) Or maybe the goddesses will thank me and encourage me to try again next year.
Either way, I hit “submit,” and I did it well before the deadline. I’m good with that for today.
Hedgebrook Writer in Residency Cottage, Whidbey Island, Washington